Rainy day

Today is a dreary rainy Saturday. I have no motivation to do anything at all. My pain levels are really high and I've been sooo tired all day. 

Unfortunately the highlight of my day was getting my #ipsy bag in the mail. Yay ipsy! I love seeing what make up and other goodies I get and can use. 

Today I got some fabulous eyeshadow and facial cleansers as well as a lipstick and lotion, I think.  I know this has nothing to do with staying positive, but it was the best part of my day so far, and I wanted to share.

As for staying positive today, I will do my best to think positively and maybe meditate. I haven't been able to bring myself to meditate for months, but I need to force myself to do it. When I do meditate, I feel so much better.

*Sigh*

So, It has been almost a month since my last post. Things are looking better. My oldest daughter is in a CBAT facility now. Hopefully only for a few more weeks. My youngest, Addie, started a new (therapeutic) school yesterday. Unfortunately she still hates school and would do anything to get out of going, but she is there. Two days in a row....

  

   A few weeks later... My oldest is home from CBAT. She has been doing really well. Thank god.

The youngest is still hating school, and atrocious in the mornings, but she is doing ok while at school. That's the important thing.

Better days...

Let's see. Right now my 13 year old is inpatient at a mental health facility for several reasons, mainly for trying to commit suicide. This is her 4th inpatient stay in 4 months, so they are looking into residential long term care for her. I am heart broken. I can't imagine living without her for months, or longer.

Meanwhile my 10 year old daughter is suffering with her own demons. She is bipolar and severely depressed. We haven't been able to find the right med combination for her after years of trying. We just changed her meds again yesterday, and she's been super nasty all day. I doubt there is any relation, but who knows.

It's killing me inside to see my beautiful daughters suffer so much. I cry at least once a day, usually many times a day, because there is only so much I can do for them. They have therapists, plus the in home family therapists each, plus their psychiatrists, and their case managers .

I'm at a loss. Drained. Tomorrow is another day